Sunday, January 6, 2008

Why Men Won't Commit

There are many reasons why men won’t commit. Some say they haven’t found the perfect woman; some say they want to wait until they can afford the perfect woman; and some say “I already have the perfect woman, why bother to marry her?”

If you're wondering if your boyfriend ever plans to settle down and have a kids, the answer is probably “Yes, but not in the near future.”

A recent study named The State of Our Unions conducted face-to-face interviews with 60 single, heterosexual men aged 25 - 33, and came up with this conclusion: Single men DO want to have their own home, wife and kids - but not until they're older. Here are some of the reasons they gave, in no particular order:

1.Men no longer need to get married to get sex.
It's easy nowadays to meet women - in bars, at work, through the Internet - and apparently, many of them will sleep with you without marriage, or even a commitment. So, as far as these men are concerned, if sex is all they want, they look for a sex partner, not a wife.

2. Men no longer need to get married to have a wife.
For many men, cohabitation is a great way of having their cake and eating it too. They get all the benefits of having a wife without giving a commitment in exchange. If you're the type of girl who is fine with this, then good for you. If you're the type who is hoping for marriage in exchange for your devotion, then you should have listened to your mother when she said that “He won't buy the cow if he already gets the milk for free.” Crass? Absolutely - but true, unfortunately.

3. Men are afraid of divorce - and of alimony.
So who likes divorce? It's not only hard on your emotions, it's also hard on your pocketbook.
Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that one great way to avoid divorce is by not getting married in the first place. I'm not saying it's the best way, but it's one of the easiest ways, and some of us are lazier than others.

4 Men want to wait until they are financially stable.
Not unreasonable. Admirable, even, in certain situations. A man who knows the responsibilities he has for his wife and kids, and wants to make sure he is fit to carry them before taking them on, is a good man. Now, if you and your boyfriend have very different definitions of what “financially stable” means, then you must seriously consider compatibility issues that will haunt you even after you are married.

5 Men are afraid of the changes that marriage will make on their lives.
Less freedom, more responsibilities: That's how many men see marriage. In truth, marriage can be so much more rewarding than that. But with such bad advertising, who can blame them if they're not so eager to buy?

6.Men are waiting for the perfect soulmate.
Well, so are women. Now, in case you are wondering what their definition of “perfect soulmate” is, it means “the woman who will accept me as I am and will not try to change me.” So if you don't like something about your man, either you learn to accept it or keep looking. (If it's a major issue, I'd say keep looking.) On our part, we don't want a man who will consider us his life project either, do we?